Thnknskinny

I lost 2 more pounds I am pretty happy with that.  I will just stay focused.  Thank you all for your support it makes it a little easier to know that I am not alone in this struggle. 

This week seems like it is just running by me.  I feel like I need a day or 2 to restart my week(race) ,  I am nervous that I over ate a couple times this week.  I am not feeling so excited anymore, (that was short lived).  But I am going to continue to keep my spirits up and continue to try.  I will be strong and will overcome the negative thoughts and know that I am in control of my outcome.    I need to refocus my thinking.   I will continue running the “race”.  I am feeling like I  hit a bump in the road ALREADY, but I am back on track and will stride forward and not look back.  I need to keep my momentum going.  I am hoping I will turn the corner pretty soon and start a new stretch in my race.  I know this is going to be hard and this seems impossible to do, BUT I know that I can do it.  I know I can.  And I know you all can too. 

OK, first of all my weight tracker start weight reflects the weight I had in Dec 28, just want to make this clear so you all dont think I lost 11lbs in 4 days.  That would not be good.  SO, with that cleared up, here are some of the small changes that I have made, NO more sugar, no soda, no eating after 6pm, I started drinking lemon water up to a gallon a day, I park farther away so I walk more to and from stores, work ect., I take the stairs, I try to limit my sitting at home to just an hour a day.  I sit all day at work.  I am going to start adding walking on to my daily activies.  So this is it, I am excited for my future, I want to be healthy, I want to be active, I want to live, I want to be seen.

I went to the MD on Dec 28  and I weighed 245,  I went yesterday and I weighed 234, That is amazing!  I cant believe it.  I wasn’t even trying.  I just started really getting serious on Jan 14.  Unreal.  Small changes make BIG differences.  I am so happy.  I am going to go now and try even harder. 

Well, another day that I made it.  YAY! I am very satisfied today, I feel like I had enough to eat and I drank tons of water, I am actually craving it right now.  I am excited for the weight to start coming off,  I will not weigh myself until next Monday.  I will stay strong and I will keep thinking skinny. 

Well I had a great weekend,  although I didn’t think I would.  My husbands family had their Christmas party, at a Casino/Hotel.  This is our 7th annual party, where all the family comes together and it is such a great time.  Well, my husband and I moved from our hometown and family/friends about 4 years ago.  We are about 6-7 hours away from everyone we know.  SO as alot of you know that when you don’t see someone for a long time, you notice (when you see them again)how they have aged or how they have gained weight or lost weight ect.   WELL, I didn’t want to go, because I knew that I packed on about 75lbs since the last time I saw every one.  (1 year ago)  I even played sick, hoping my husband would say, well just stay home.  NO such luck, he begged me to go and said I could sleep and blah blah blah.  Even my daughter pleaded with me.  So I went, and yes  I was so ashamed of how I looked and what people ( who haven’t seen me in awhile would think.)  And yes I did see shock in some eyes, but mostly I was treated with love and I had a great time.  I laughed so hard I cried, and I realized, THIS is what I need.  I need to be apart of society, apart of life.  This is going to be something I have to work on.  I have been in this small town for 4 years and I know 1 person in this town, 1.  I use the excuse, I work too much or I am too shy.  What I am is, I am lonely, I am sad, I am bored.  It sounds pathetic to me to be admitting this but it is time to be honest and “feel” feelings, not eat to fill the emptiness, or lonliness or time.   I need to LIVE. And I will!!!!!!!  I am back. 

I am new, I am going to do it this time.  I will be healthy doing it, I have to do this.  I am so tired of this body.  THIS TIME will be the time.  I have had enough.