Thnknskinny

Well I had a great weekend,  although I didn’t think I would.  My husbands family had their Christmas party, at a Casino/Hotel.  This is our 7th annual party, where all the family comes together and it is such a great time.  Well, my husband and I moved from our hometown and family/friends about 4 years ago.  We are about 6-7 hours away from everyone we know.  SO as alot of you know that when you don’t see someone for a long time, you notice (when you see them again)how they have aged or how they have gained weight or lost weight ect.   WELL, I didn’t want to go, because I knew that I packed on about 75lbs since the last time I saw every one.  (1 year ago)  I even played sick, hoping my husband would say, well just stay home.  NO such luck, he begged me to go and said I could sleep and blah blah blah.  Even my daughter pleaded with me.  So I went, and yes  I was so ashamed of how I looked and what people ( who haven’t seen me in awhile would think.)  And yes I did see shock in some eyes, but mostly I was treated with love and I had a great time.  I laughed so hard I cried, and I realized, THIS is what I need.  I need to be apart of society, apart of life.  This is going to be something I have to work on.  I have been in this small town for 4 years and I know 1 person in this town, 1.  I use the excuse, I work too much or I am too shy.  What I am is, I am lonely, I am sad, I am bored.  It sounds pathetic to me to be admitting this but it is time to be honest and “feel” feelings, not eat to fill the emptiness, or lonliness or time.   I need to LIVE. And I will!!!!!!!  I am back.